Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
