There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sorry about my life...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
