So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
