imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
