dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
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There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
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I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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