I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
