Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
