So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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