I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
