idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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