they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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