This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
