HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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