Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
