Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
