Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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