is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
