I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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