I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just had sex on a roof
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
