I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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