He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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