i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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