I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
