If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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