She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
