You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
