is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
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Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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