how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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