They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
