im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
