So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
