The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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