I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
