If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
