I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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