In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
