lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
