Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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