White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
