Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
