Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
