ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
