Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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