I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
