Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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