im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
