It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
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I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
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I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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