Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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