I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
