did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
