I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
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no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize