I must be too annoying 4 u.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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