I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
