I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize