Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
