the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
