Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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