Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
