I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
