how can u be prego again
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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