I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
