What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
so much tequila, so little girl.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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