I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
