WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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