You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
